Date:    Wed, 1 Apr 1998 02:26:45 GMT
From:    Yance Davis 
Subject: The Truth about Cats and Dogs and Honky Tonk Women

Harpua  vol. 12           6/30/94

Just two weeks after the previous Harpua (6/17/94 - the OJ show), Phish
kicks it out again at the Classic Amphitheatre in Richmond, VA.  Like many
of the shows from 6/94, this one's got some great moments, including a
rousing YEM with Yerushalyim Shel Z'hav in the middle and screams of
"Redrum" throughout the vocal jam.  But on to the important stuff ;)
The song begins as usual, with Trey stepping up to the mic a little over
two minutes into the song...

  "Right about this time I'm gonna tell everybody a little story here.
As some of you may have guessed already, it's the story about a dog.  The
story begins sort of in a different land where some of you have been
before and for those of you who haven't, you should visit..  A nice place
to visit, as the sticker says "Visit GAMEHENDGE!"

(loud applause after Trey said the last part in a booming voice)

  "Now if you ever are to visit Gamehendge, there's a special way to get
there, as some of you probably know, you have to say the magic words of
Kung, and by saying the magic words of Kung you will find yourself
miraculously transported to Gamehendge.  The strange thing about it is you
may seem in your outer body parts that you're still wherever you happen to
be in Virginia, or in this room, but really your mind and spirit will have
left your body and transfered to Gamehendge.  To get there all you have to
say is ...
        (this is the best I can do for Kung...I've never seen
         anyone get it exactly how it sounds, so unless your
         name ends in "anastasio" please don't send me mail...
         I'm sure it's at least partially wrong ;)

        (with eerie piano playing in background the whole time)

        Kung ... rrrrich in minerals...
          Kung ... rrrich in virtth
        Kang well in Martinland
          well we kell .. a pedestel
        Vermin vorth neer vermin vifth
        Forever a rail we come be it ever so voratiously alternate


        Can we stare?   (Fishman: "No")
        Can we stall?   (Fishman, more emphatically: "No")
        WE Can stage a runaway golfcart marathon

        Stand Up! Stand up Stand up Stand up Stand up
        Stand up on your heels and call

        (in high pitched voice, all together):
        From the Hiiiilllls,  From the Hiiilllls

  "That's it.  We did it.  We're there.  We're in Gamehendge.  And when I
say 'from the hills' I'm talking about those hills over there.  Those are
the hills the hero of our story lives in.  The hero of our story.. one of
the heroes of our story is this old guy who had this dog named Harpua.
This old guy lived around the town and nobody liked him because he was a
little bit different from the rest of the people, so he used to get
chastised all the time, and people would walk on the other side of the
street until finally he became so embarassed and so self-conscious that he
was forced to move out of the town and up into the mountains.  And as he
lived in the mountains, he kind of got hairier and uglier and, you know,
dirtier.. He was still the same person inside, but everybody in town hated
him and legends grew about what an evil person he was.  He didn't start
out as an evil person as people starting saying that about him he started
to really become the thing that they.. you know, the way that they
envisioned him, eviler and eviler..and more and more evil.  And uh, what
he did was he started training his dog Harpua to become an evil attack
dog, a horrible attack dog, a killer attack dog.  And after years and
years of training, one day he sent the attack dog down into the town and
he said 'I want you..', he looked him in the eyes and said "Harpua, my my
my, I want you to go into town and I want you to seek my revenge on
these awful people who chastised me and sent me out of town.  So this it
was it.  Years had gone by and the dog began to go into town and the dog
was walking in the town that day and he was going to seek his revenge.  He
was gonna go on a killing spree in the town.  So he walked into town and
one of the first places he goes is this little suburban street.  He comes
up to this particular house..

  "Now meanwhile on the inside of that house somebody lived in the house
and this is the real hero of the story.  Ladies and gentlemen, in this
house lived a boy and his name was ...Jimmy.  Jimmy lived in this little
suburban house and it just so happened that Jimmy on this particular day
who lived in this perfect suburban house, it turns out that Harpua picked
Jimmy's house and Jimmy was gonna come wreak havoc..ahhh.. Harpua was
gonna come wreak havoc on Jimmy's peaceful little suburban life.  But the
strange thing was that on that particular day when he got to Jimmy's door,
scratching, clawing at the door, Jimmy wasn't home.  Jimmy was in the
middle of town doing karaoke at a bar.  Now to go any further in this
story, we're gonna need a volunteer.. Brad looks like he's picked a
volunteer, to be our Jimmy today..

(tremendous applause...whoever this dude was, he's one lucky motherfucker)

  "Let's hear it for this guy, I don't know who you are but uh..."

(more applause)

  "Ok.. ok this is Shawn.. Shawn is playing Jimmy today in our little..
Shawn is going to take the place of Jimmy.. So Jimmy's down at the local
bar and he's doing his karaoke...

(From here the band goes into the Rolling Stone's "Honky Tonk Women"
starting off a little sloppy but getting tight as they progressed.  After
the first few riffs, Shawn starts singing.  He's a little hard to
understand at times and I don't think he's got the song exact, so I'm
gonna try and write out what he sounds like)

        Honky Tonk Women - by Shawn

        I met a gypsy barroom queen in Memphis..
           --Thank you, thank you very much (in elvis voice, aside)
        I tried to take her upstairs for a ride, YEAH!
        She had a (total mumble mumble mumble) shoulder
        She blew my nose and then she blew my mind

        (pretty sure last line there is from later in song)

        Hoooonky Tonk Women
        Gimme the honky tonk girl

        (jam for a little bit then Shawn and band together):

        It's a honnnky tonk Women
        gimme gimme gimme the honky tonk girl.

  At this point the band goes back into Harpua and before leaving,
Shawn yells out:

"Yeah, come out to a'memphis and see the headstone circus tonight!"


  "So there he was..."

  (Trey cuts himself off in a burst of uncontrollable laughter)

  "That was very fuc.."

  Fishman: "What a Jimmy!"

  "That was.."

  Fishman: "That was awesome!"

  "Ok, so there's Jimmy down there, he's having a great time, he's
drinking a beer doing karaoke, he's sittin' there with his little pet cat
next to him just havin' a grand ol' time.  This particular bar lets cats
into the bar and he's sitting back, his feet are up on the table, he's
drinking a beer, he looks down at his cat, picks up his cat petting his
cat on his head saying to him "If you weren't such a special cat, I don't
think I'd bring you down here for karaoke with me but, I just can't stand
to leave you alone.  You're so pretty.  You're such a beautiful little
cat.  I love you.  You're so nice, you're such a nice cat.  You sweet
little sweet little cat you POSTER NUTBAGGGGG!!!!!!  Poster Nutbag,
Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag I love you so much!"  At this point in time,
Poster Nutbag looks up at Jimmy and he gives him this eye that says
basically he needs to go outside, so Jimmy puts him on the floor and
Poster Nutbag walks towards the front door, out the front door into the
suburban area in front, he's walking down the street.

  "Meanwhile, the evil Harpua who's been trained to be a vicious evil
killer has picked up the scent of Poster Nutbag which he first sensed at
the doorway he was scratching on when Jimmy wasn't home and he's walking
along .. and he's walking toward the bar .. and he comes around the
corner and Poster Nutbag comes around another corner.  And Poster Nutbag
turns, sees Harpua.. Harpua turns, sees Poster Nutbag..  Nutbag..   Pua..
Bag..  Pua..  Bag.. Pua. Bag. Pua Bag uh uhng un uhh  There's gonna be a
fight.. they come towards each other .. People start to turn around in a
circle.. There's gonna be a Fight!  Poster bends his body into a deadly
arch!!  Harpua lets an evil drop of saliva drip out of his mouth.. The
fight is about to begin...

And like usual, the tale ends there as Trey starts playing with the Harpua
riff.  Fun fun version, though I've yet to hear any that weren't from '94.
It had all the best elements of Harpua, from typical fun with Jimmy and
Poster to Kung to covering the Stones with a completely random person on
stage singing it.  Check it out..