Date:    Tue, 23 Dec 1997 07:25:44 GMT
From:    Yance Davis 
Subject: Harpua's Non-shot ass

The Truth About Cats and Dogs and Harpua's non-shot ass...
Harpua files 10   4/20/89

420 is already great for so many reasons but after listening to 4/20/89
for the first time the other day (thanks Charlie) I have to add it to the
list.  This Harpua has some of the greatest stage antics I've ever heard
in any phish song.  The show itself is just one long set at The Zoo at
Amherst College which was John Paluska (longtime manager and head man at
Phish's Dionysian Productions) social house.  It contains nearly every
great song that Phish played at the time, with only a small fire alarm
evacuation mid-Fluffhead to stop the music.

The song begins with no shouts I can hear for Harpua, but strangly enough
plenty for Poster Nutbag.  Again, any time there's something in quotes,
it's Trey talking, and if anyone else says anything, I'll write out their

"Well... sounds to me like that's what we're gonna play.  Sounds to me
like... the song you want to hear.. begins with an 'Oom Pa Paa."

(At this point, someone in the back yells out for 'Whipping Post' loudly
several times.)

"This is called...'Oom Pa Pa'... (followed by) 'Whipping Pa'.. 'Whipping
Pa Pa'"

Fishman: "Whip-Pa-Pa"

(Trey laughing) "Whip-Pa-pa.. Whip-pa-pa, yes whip-pa-pa.. Ok here it
comes 'Whip-pa-pa.'  We hope that you'll help us out with the hand
gestures on this one, as always, when we sing Whip...Whip-pa-post..
Whip-pa-post (clicks tongue).. When we sing Whip-Pa-Post..

Fishman: "We mean it"

"...You put your hands out like that, and when we say 'Whip-pa-pa' you put
your hands up like this and then when we say 'HOom Pa Pa' you put your
hands up like that and when we say 'Hoom Pa Post' you put your hands that.  Ok ready?  One ..two...

OOm Pa Pa, Oom Pa Pa, Oom Pa Pa, Oom Pa Paa-aaaaahhhh

(I'm gonna go ahead and write out the lyrics here just because generally I
jump right to the story and people have asked for the opening verses a few
times in the past.  Make of them what you will..."

  Fat Sweaty Bulldog
   Stood in the Sun
  Stone village swamp man
   sloooow motion run

  Tender poke police walker
   Precious birthday fudge
  Swamp night, bull nail
   Walker done done

    Me and Harpua
   We couldn't care fewer
    It happens all the time
   We beat okibo

  Hot liquor stone jack
   Bitter toothless flesh
  Shabby pimple chin slime
   Evil, milky rash

  Me and Harpua
   Spastic Dead-eyed hound
  Oozing dreadlock skullcap
   We're coming to your town (We'll help ya party down)

  (chorus repeated, then Trey begins the story)

(Trey, in very slow, nasal voic: "Once upon a time..."
"..There was a dog named Harpua.  Anyway, this dog was an especially mean,
grumpy, ugly bulldog.  Not like my dog, who is a nice little golder
retriever, but... true story, did you know that last week, my dog was SHOT
in the ass by some obnoxious person..

(People start laughing)

"..not funny, not funny.  It's true.. I'm not (laughing)'s not
supposed to be funny.  Anyway, Harpua was never shot in the ass.  But he
was a mean horrible bulldog..

Fishman: "yeah, you can say that about Harpua"

"..but one day.."

Fishman: "he was never shot in the ass.. that's one thing you can say
about Harpua"

"Harpua was never shot in the ass. (laughing followed by a short little
jam).  So one day, Harpua was walking along, with his little non-shot ass
waggling in the air towards... towards town.  And as he walked into town,
he slowly neared the neighborhood that Jimmy lived in.

"And Jimmy in the mean time was sitting on his Non-Shot ass in front of
the TV in his house, slowly petting the non-shot ass of his cat..

(one of the band meows..)

"..his cat.."

(another meow from Fishman probably..)

"..was a special cat.."

(Fishman quietly "woof"s)

"His cat laid on the ground in front of the TV with his non-shot ass in
the air.  And this was No Normal non-shot ass.  This was a special
non-shot ass.  This was a beautiful white non-shot, non-bloody ass!


(The audiene applauds loudly for non-shot ass and the band jams for a
little bit before singing the "non-shot ass" song which is basically three
chords over and over while the band sings, not in unison, "Non-Shot ASS!"
over and over, getting louder and louder before Trey ends it just by
yelling "ASS!")

"Well, anyway, there was Harpua, walking down the street and all of a
sudden it occurs to Jimmy's cat that...maybe the's time for a
walk.  So Jimmy opens up the door and lets the cat out and the cat walks
into the street and goes down the street a few steps when Suddenly, the
cat comes face to face with Harpua.  And Harpua looks at the cat and a
shock of recognition comes over his ugly bulldog face..

(Page goes off on a little piano jam for a minute here)

"Harpua looked at the cat in front of him and he said to himself..."

Mike (I think): "Holy shit"

"just bass, just bass.. (at that, Fish and Page stop and Mike lays down a
low rumble out of the bass).. He said to himself "Oh my.. Oh my Gawwd!
It's no ordinary cat.  Why, this is, this is a special cat.  This cat is
the only.  This is, this cat is the only..  (a jam builds up in the
background very similar to "Hold your Head up" which gets louder and
louder)'s not any old cat!  This cat is.. well.. it's the one and's couldn't be.. no, it is.. My God!  My GOD!!  MY GODDDD!!

Fishman yelling: "HIS GOD!!!"


Fishman (yelling so hard his voice is cracking): His GOD!!!!!



"MY God.. MY GOD.. God! (Page is jamming in the background so Trey starts
singing along with the keyboard)  GOd GooOODDD  GOD ..Oh my God, this cat

Fishman: HISSS GOD!!

(Trey lauging): "My GOD, it'sssss Poster Nutbag!!!"

(Another mini-jam ensues, with Page leading)

"Poster Nutbag (coughs) ..Poster Nutbag.  Oh My God..

Fishman: HHHIISS Goddddd!!

"Oh My GOD, MY GOD, MY GOODDDDD!!  Poster!  Poster Nutbag.  Well, Harpua
looked at Poster Nutbag and knew, My God.. 'My God' he said to himself,
'I'm gonna eat this cat right now.'  So anyway..

(Trey tries to go back into the story, but Mike starts laying out a
bassline similar to 'Walk This Way' by Aerosmith, so they jam on that for
a minute or so)

"Well, there was gonna be a nasty fight, and Harpua let out a low growl.
Suddenly, Poster Nutbag coiled his body in a deadly arch.  The fight was
about to begin and Harpua let a hungry drop of saliva out on the ground

(At this point, Trey starts fooling with the Harpua theme so all know the
tale is over with...)

"Look, the storm's gone!"

Dad (mike): "Jimmy?"
Jimmy (page): "Yes Dad"
Dad: "I have some bad news for ya"
Jimmy: "What is it Dad?"
Dad: "It..It's your cat, Poster.."
Jimmy: "y-y'mean Poster Nutbag?"

all but Trey: "Poster is Dead..." / Trey: "Oh, My God, MY GOD, MY GOD!!!"
Mike and Page: "Poster is Dead.." / Fish: "HIS GODDDDDD!!"
                Trey (in sobbing voice): "Poster is Dead..."
Mike and Page: "Poster's SO Dead" / Trey: "Oh my GOD, Poster is DEAD!"

Dad: "HOW about a goldfish?"
Jimmy: "I   don't want   a goldfish!"
Dad: "How about a Goldfish?"
Jimmy: "I don't want  a gold fisssssh!"
Dad: "How about...        a goldfish?"
Jimmy: "I  don't    want a goldfish!"
Jimmy: "I want..."
all: "a doooooogggggggggggggg"

  There's a dog in the station
   with an ugly mutation
  and it needs lubrication
   each day...

  There's a dog in the station
   contemplating rotation
  as a form of recreation
   and playyyyyyy

  A doooooooooogggggggggggggg.....

  There's a dog in the station
   with a bad reputation
  It's a sign of the nation

  But the dog in the staton
   doesn't need a vacation
  as the people walk by
   dressed in greeeyyyyyyyy..


Well, this Harpua's truly a classic, but hell, they're so rare nearly
every Harpua's a classic.  Especially for a pre-90s show, this one is very
entertaining, and while the plotline in Harpua isn't anything out of the
ordinary, the pure inSanity on stage more than makes up for it.  The only
Phish tape which has made me laugh more was Ian's House '89, after Trey's
put down a drink or two  ;)

On the grovelly side, I JUST found out I have a ticket so it looks like I
might make the trek up to NY.  Don't have any lodging though, and it's 100
bucks at BEST, which there's no way in hell I have per night.  If anyone
at all has just a few feet of floorspace for an out of stater, I'll be
glad to chip in on hotel fees, or bring you a few tapes or even give you
my extra for the 29th.

One way or another, hope you all have a great New Years, whatever it is
you're doing!  Peace

Yancy Davis