TREY: A long time ago, far from here, lived an evil guy. This guy was, came from deep, deep in the north country of Vermont, all the way up there near the Canadian border where people’s family trees don’t branch at all.
He lived up there with his dog, and these two people, they didn’t have much better to do all the time than just walk around and look for innocent young people to threaten and scare with their meanness.
So, this particular day, it was the same old thing. This guy was walking along, and he had his dog sitting next to him. Well this dog, his name was Harpua. And Harpua was a vile-looking, evil bulldog with huge teeth and wrinkled, gnarly flesh and saliva dripping down off of his lips. He walked along, and his owner didn’t look too much different.
So this one day, it was a day like any other day until Harpua decided to go off by himself, which he didn’t usually do. Harpua went walking a little farther south from the Canadian border than he usually walked, and he left his owner behind. He trotted along and went over a couple of fields and through the woods.. They lived way up in the woods; they didn’t live near any towns or anything. But, he just kept walking that particular day, until, finally, off in the distance, he saw the lights of a little town.
He walked towards the town, and he wandered into the town. He walked along. He crossed a bridge, and the houses became nicer. Harpua, he found that he was in the nice area of town with all the rich houses. He had never been in a place like that before. So he wandered around until he came to the front of this one particular house.
Now, inside this house there lived a young boy named Jimmy. [“Purple Haze” riff] Now Jimmy sat in there. He’s in his house, and he’s never seen anything like Harpua before. He just lived an innocent life, and he would sit on his couch and look down at his pet, his best friend, his little kitty cat, his best friend.
So this particular day, there he sat, leaning back on his couch, watching a little TV, flicking through the channels, and petting his little kitty cat. And he said “oh, oh oh, I love you, I love you my little kitty cat. I love you. THAT’S WHY I NAMED YOU POSTER NUTBAG!”
Poster Nutbag, his little pet cat Poster Nutbag was sitting up there looking at him, and Poster Nutbag decided that he too would go out for a little walk that day, not knowing that Harpua, the evil dog was lurking outside.
So Poster Nutbag got up Jimmy said “Go on out, Poster Nutbag,” and he opened the door and Poster Nutbag started to walk out into the yard. And he looked up and he turned around and there he saw Harpua the evil dog, staring at him, with his wrinkled skin and his drool coming off his mouth, and they looked at each other. There’s gonna be a fight! Poster Nutbag coiled his body into a deadly arch! Harpua walked towards him and a hungry drop of saliva dripped on the ground!
Look, the storm’s gone…
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