TREY: A long time ago, and far, far away, there lived an evil, mangy mutt named Harpua. Well, Harpua and his owner, who was this evil guy born in the pine barrens and who had gone through a long ancestry with no forks, grew up and this guy, his evil ancestor, he had long red hair and a big beard, and he looked like the guy who just carried the trampoline out here a minute ago.
So we’ll just call him the Timber Hole. So Harpua and his owner, they used to go marching around from their home far off in the north country, away from all the town, way up in the pine barrens, like I said. This is deep in the heart of New Jersey, for those of you who have never been to New Jersey, anyway, you can kind of imagine.
Anyway, Harpua and him used to kind of go marching around on certain days looking for a little action, looking for some fun, looking for some hot, hot lunch. So this day was no different than any other day, this particular day when Harpua said goodbye to the Timber Hole, his master, and just started to wander a little farther than he usually did, deep into the heart of the innocent little town that lay in the village.
So there he goes walking into town this one day, and like I said,he goes a little farther than he usually goes and he heads into town. Now, meanwhile, in town, there’s this one little house in this suburban area, in the rich area of town, and sitting in that house is a young boy named Jimmy. And Jimmy is sitting there, and he’s having a wonderful afternoon.
On this particular day, he’s sitting there and he decides, and he just cracked a beer, and he’s ready to watch his favorite hockey player, Cam Neely, kicking the Penguins’ ass! [“Charge” teases from Page] So there he is, watching Cam Neely win the Stanley Cup. He looks down at his side, and he’s petting his best friend, a little furry, smooth, little, kitty-cat [some meowing noises] and he looks down at the cat and he says, “You’re my favorite friend. There’s nothing I like more than sitting here on a Saturday afternoon, watching Cam Neely, drinking a beer, WHEW! The Bruins are going to win the Stanley Cup.” Anyway, he’s sitting there watching TV, and he’s drinking his beer. He’s petting his cat, and he says, “I love you, I love this, I love sitting in my chair and petting you, petting you, I love to pet you! I love to pet you! I love to pet you my pet cat! I love to pet you! I love to pet you POSTER NUTBAG!”
Poster Nutbag, his best friend, his little kitty, on this particular day, Poster Nutbag decided he’d had enough and he wanted to go for a little walk, so Poster Nutbag got up and Jimmy opened the door and Poster Nutbag wandered out into the street.
Meanwhile, we’ve forgotten about the beginning of the story, because, as Poster Nutbag wandered around his yard, he had no idea that he was about to round the corner and come face to face with Harpua, who was out looking for some action! And Harpua, the evil mangy dog, came walking toward Poster Nutbag. Poster Nutbag coiled his body into a deadly arch! There’s gonna be a fight! Oh my God! Harpua let a hungry drop of saliva drip onto the ground!
Look, the storm’s gone…
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